This Wodehouse I Call Home
Would somebody please please please buy me this. I'll give you a hundred quid for it. Er well, okay, it will probably cost a hundred quid for it in total. But it's Jeeves, dammit. It's JEEEEEEAVES!
Guess I'm up for air at the moment. The cough got better, and then... ugh. I went to the doctor for a follow-up and she's still convinced I have asthma, so she gave me a hit of some kind of inhaler that's had me coughing and hacking worse than it's been since the first week, so bad that I called out of work and slept all day trying to calm my lungs down. And even if I beg them for more Tussionex I have no money to buy any right now, so I have to suck it up and endure. Which, basically, is all I have been doing over the last few months.
I guess it's why I haven't posted in awhile. The depression gets to me sometimes. I was just telling a friend today that I feel like the only reason I'm being kept alive is to serve as some fatted host for a parasitic entity that's higher up on the food chain than myself. I hate hate hate feeling so sorry for myself but on days like this my tough-cookie resolve breaks down and I sleep my day away not so much to calm my coughing, but it's the next best thing to not being alive right this moment. I mean don't worry... I always get like this when the cough lasts for as long as it does. After 25 years of this I've got the routine down. But at the same time after 25 years of this I can't always be strong every second of the day. I can't exercise like I used to. I have to sit down every few minutes at work to catch my breath. The medicine makes me constantly sleepy. I feel every ounce of creativity and life ooze out of me when I'm on it. It's like a lobotomy in a bottle. But it lets me expand my chest during the 6-12 hours that I'm on it, and that's a gift I never not take advantage of every opportunity that it's given.
I wan to thank friends for being patient with me, and the people at work, and Joe especially. When I'm 100% up to snuff, I'll find ways of repaying all of you for... well, for just being all of you.
I love you all. And you all know who you are. ;)
Guess I'm up for air at the moment. The cough got better, and then... ugh. I went to the doctor for a follow-up and she's still convinced I have asthma, so she gave me a hit of some kind of inhaler that's had me coughing and hacking worse than it's been since the first week, so bad that I called out of work and slept all day trying to calm my lungs down. And even if I beg them for more Tussionex I have no money to buy any right now, so I have to suck it up and endure. Which, basically, is all I have been doing over the last few months.
I guess it's why I haven't posted in awhile. The depression gets to me sometimes. I was just telling a friend today that I feel like the only reason I'm being kept alive is to serve as some fatted host for a parasitic entity that's higher up on the food chain than myself. I hate hate hate feeling so sorry for myself but on days like this my tough-cookie resolve breaks down and I sleep my day away not so much to calm my coughing, but it's the next best thing to not being alive right this moment. I mean don't worry... I always get like this when the cough lasts for as long as it does. After 25 years of this I've got the routine down. But at the same time after 25 years of this I can't always be strong every second of the day. I can't exercise like I used to. I have to sit down every few minutes at work to catch my breath. The medicine makes me constantly sleepy. I feel every ounce of creativity and life ooze out of me when I'm on it. It's like a lobotomy in a bottle. But it lets me expand my chest during the 6-12 hours that I'm on it, and that's a gift I never not take advantage of every opportunity that it's given.
I wan to thank friends for being patient with me, and the people at work, and Joe especially. When I'm 100% up to snuff, I'll find ways of repaying all of you for... well, for just being all of you.
I love you all. And you all know who you are. ;)
posted by Melissa at 6:42 AM
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