Is It (Work) Safe?

So anyway being both sick and feeling weirdly experimental (maybe not a combination I'd often recommend) I decided to crack open the pecker pasta for dinner tonight seeing as how it's been sitting on my shelf since, well pretty much since I got it for my birthday earlier this year from Sef, or at least I think it was Sef that gave it to me. It had to be. Heck, I did a whole blog entry about it in the old space but I can't remember if it was S. or Sef that gave it to me, or if it was bought by Sef and handed over to S. with the specific instructions to "please make sure that Senator Pittman receives this very important article" (many of my close friends often refer to me as "The Senator") and Sef is a very resourceful gay man who somehow always seems to know how to, uh, find "articles" such as these but he won't ever tell us where. As if to keep his sources secret for his own sake, and probably his secret sources' sake as well. But anyway for those of you who may not remember, and that may be all of you, it's Mama Peckeroni Traditional Style Pecker Pasta...


As opposed to any other style, I assume. Now I admit I was a tad, um, intimidated by the very notion of "pecker" pasta, traditional or otherwise, and I wasn't exactly sure what I'd possibly have on my hands (so to speak) once they were cooked and "fluffed" up in the manner that pasta does when it is boiled. But being very hungry, slightly curious, and totally wacked out cold meds I figured what the hey anyway, food is food and I've totally blown my diet for the month of December as it is. I mean how big can a pecker really get, right?


Pre-cooked pecker. Small, yes. But still hard. Dare I say... turgid, even. No, I haven't tasted it yet, but I was admittedly entranced by the little holes and air-spaces that make up its design, and I couldn't help but quietly marvel at the notion of what a truly remarkable age in which I live that we possess the technology to create machines whose sole function is to shape and design pasta into the shape of... peckers. Unlike the very same technology that no doubt shapes and designs pasta into little giraffes and monkeys for Chef Boyardee. Sorry it's so blurry, but it always seemed to fuzz out over any light-colored background. The side of my fridge is a little busy, but that's the best I could get the pecker into focus.


A pan o' peckers! They do look sorta cute all bunched up together like that. Like little golden tadpoles. Somehow I could have sworn I could hear Sef sniggering wickedly behind my back. By the way if you decide to try this at home, do remember to add plenty of salt while you boil. I'm serious. Peckers, I've just learned, can be pretty bland without the right amount of seasoning.


After a proper boiling period, drain your peckers thoroughly (oh dear God did I just type that?). And hey, look!... not too big, either. Softer, too. And yet not too mushy. So the softer they are, the, uh, plumper they get. Not too big or too small. In fact I'd venture to say they are just perfect the way they are. I'm no size queen when it comes to my pasta anyway. Hmm, now upon further examination I'm curious: Would this particular pasta dish be considered... ah, Jewish in persuasion? I'm just sayin'.


Mmmm, deee-lish! Too bad Joe doesn't seem to want any. Can't quite figure out why. Oh well. Hey, all the more for ME, baby. All the more for me.

So in summation not the best pasta I've ever tasted, but not the worst by a mile. Definitely the best pecker pasta I've ever had, seeing how it was my very first time. Guess that means I'm no longer a virgin.