The Ape Regards His Tail
It appears that I have scheduled myself for a colonoscopy. Not only that, but they are also doing the thing where while they're sending a probe up the hooha but a scope down the throat to look into my stomach at the same time, so they're going to put me under and all that fun stuff. Hey, I'll take any amount of fiddlin' around down there if it means finding out what the heck is wrong with me and my upset tumbly. Either way, starting tomorrow I'm going back to a vegan diet again. I figure if my stomach's going to hurt no matter what I eat then I might as well keep trying to stay as healthy as I can.
But it's funny.... it really just dawned on me the other night, lying in bed moaning and holding my gut, that it never was my vegan diet messing up my stomach in the first place. I somehow amazingly forgot that before I started eating vegetarian, I did so because I was already experiencing stomach pains after eating later last year, no matter what I ate. Not as bad as I do now, but bad enough to be noticeable. In fact, it was the vegetarian diet that made those pains go away for about two months at least, until they started kicking in again. I recall the night I was in New York with my friend Paul I had the same stomach ache hanging out at Mars Bar and had to call it an early night, and I hadn't eaten anything practically all day that day, except maybe some bar popcorn at Manitoba's earlier that evening. Sooooo, it's not the diet, right? Er, right?
Speaking of Paul, I got the most wonderful birthday gift box from him this week! I'm sorry if the photos are a little cruddy, but I had to use the flash because it's so dark in the house when its rainy and overcast outside.
PREACHER ACTION FIGURES, BITCHES! From the butt-kickin' seminal comic series The Preacher by writer Garth Ennis and based on the art by Steve Dillon. My friend S. and I were sycophantic Preacher fans during the run of the series, and every time she and I would go to the comic book stores together she would always win out in getting all the Preacher products, like posters and trading cards, and in one case, the only set of action figures that came through town. After losing the coin toss I agreed to pick them up next time they got them in stock, and shur 'nuff, it never came to be. But check it; TWO Jesse Custers, both of which come with eye patches (although I don't recall him losing his eye during the time he wore the white suit), Tulip with a selection of pistols (she looks a little drag-queenie), Cassidy and his cup 'o blood (or a delightful cranberry vodka -- YOU decide!) and of course the Saint Of Killers who comes with a shitload of guns and a pretty sporty hat. And yes, I took them out of the box. Worthless now! Except in my eyes. <3>
Aaaaaand speaking of Manitoba's! When I was in NYC Paul and I went to Handsome Dick Manitoba's pub to see if he was there, but that night, he wasn't. Well, the night before my birthday I got a text message from Paul saying that he was back at Manitoba's pub and that Handsome Dick was wishing me a happy birthday. :) Little did I know that Paul was also getting Dick to autograph this spiffy copy of The Dictators' 1977 classic Manifest Destiny, which coincidentally I don't own.... added bonus!
But you know? Best of all is the mix CD Paul made me, complete with adorably apt cover of a bra, entitled Act Your Age, Not Your Bra Size: Melp At 40 (the irony here is that I just recently had my breasts measured for the first time in my life, and I am a 46-I, so technically I'm even younger than my freakin' BRA SIZE, if that's not terrifying enough) with a tremendous selection of tunage, some of which I actually don't have or ever even heard before. Track listing includes:
1. "Sound System" - Operation Ivy
But it's funny.... it really just dawned on me the other night, lying in bed moaning and holding my gut, that it never was my vegan diet messing up my stomach in the first place. I somehow amazingly forgot that before I started eating vegetarian, I did so because I was already experiencing stomach pains after eating later last year, no matter what I ate. Not as bad as I do now, but bad enough to be noticeable. In fact, it was the vegetarian diet that made those pains go away for about two months at least, until they started kicking in again. I recall the night I was in New York with my friend Paul I had the same stomach ache hanging out at Mars Bar and had to call it an early night, and I hadn't eaten anything practically all day that day, except maybe some bar popcorn at Manitoba's earlier that evening. Sooooo, it's not the diet, right? Er, right?
Speaking of Paul, I got the most wonderful birthday gift box from him this week! I'm sorry if the photos are a little cruddy, but I had to use the flash because it's so dark in the house when its rainy and overcast outside.
PREACHER ACTION FIGURES, BITCHES! From the butt-kickin' seminal comic series The Preacher by writer Garth Ennis and based on the art by Steve Dillon. My friend S. and I were sycophantic Preacher fans during the run of the series, and every time she and I would go to the comic book stores together she would always win out in getting all the Preacher products, like posters and trading cards, and in one case, the only set of action figures that came through town. After losing the coin toss I agreed to pick them up next time they got them in stock, and shur 'nuff, it never came to be. But check it; TWO Jesse Custers, both of which come with eye patches (although I don't recall him losing his eye during the time he wore the white suit), Tulip with a selection of pistols (she looks a little drag-queenie), Cassidy and his cup 'o blood (or a delightful cranberry vodka -- YOU decide!) and of course the Saint Of Killers who comes with a shitload of guns and a pretty sporty hat. And yes, I took them out of the box. Worthless now! Except in my eyes. <3>
Aaaaaand speaking of Manitoba's! When I was in NYC Paul and I went to Handsome Dick Manitoba's pub to see if he was there, but that night, he wasn't. Well, the night before my birthday I got a text message from Paul saying that he was back at Manitoba's pub and that Handsome Dick was wishing me a happy birthday. :) Little did I know that Paul was also getting Dick to autograph this spiffy copy of The Dictators' 1977 classic Manifest Destiny, which coincidentally I don't own.... added bonus!
But you know? Best of all is the mix CD Paul made me, complete with adorably apt cover of a bra, entitled Act Your Age, Not Your Bra Size: Melp At 40 (the irony here is that I just recently had my breasts measured for the first time in my life, and I am a 46-I, so technically I'm even younger than my freakin' BRA SIZE, if that's not terrifying enough) with a tremendous selection of tunage, some of which I actually don't have or ever even heard before. Track listing includes:
1. "Sound System" - Operation Ivy2. "True Confessions" - The Undertones
3. "Connected" - Stereo MC's
4. "Green Tambourine" - The Lemon Pipers
5. "Pictures Of Matchstick Men" - Camper Van Beethoven
6. "Lady Godiva's Operation" - The Velvet Underground
7. "To Sir With Love" - Al Green
8. "Salt Of The Earth" - The Rolling Stones
9. "Wild One" - Those Darlins
10. "Root Down" - Beastie Boys
11. "Saturday Night" - Bay City Rollers
12. "She's Tight" - Cheap Trick
13. "Pussy And Money" - The Dictators
14. "Clampdown" - The Clash
15. "Candy's Room" - Bruce Springsteen
16. "Neat Neat Neat" - The Damned
17. "Fast Fucked And Furious" - The Humpers
18. "Sad Songs And Waltzes" - Jesse Dayton
19. "Vampire Girl" - Jonathan Richman
20. "See No Evil" - Television
21. "Isis" - Bob Dylan
22. "50ft Queenie" - PJ Harvey
23. "1969" - The Stooges (the year of my birth! :) )
Thank you again, Paul m'love! We really gots ta make another night in the big city sometime soon, or once I'm up to snuff. Maybe get Handsome Dick to sign my bra this time. Heaven knows, at 46-I, there's plenty of room to write as BIG as he'd like.
posted by Melissa at 6:06 PM
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