All Pain And Big Gain

My general practitioner generally has no idea why my stomach hurts when I eat. So I have made an appointment with a gastroenterologist next Monday to see what he says. My doctor thinks I might be typically just a little south of the age to be having a colonoscopy, but I am forty now, and the average age is around forty-eight, so it's not unheard of to do one on the likes of me. All I know is that I want to know what's wrong with me and why I'm absolutely petrified to put anything in my mouth except for white bread and water. And boy, now I know why they have used that method to torture prisoners throughout the ages. It really, really really suuuuucks.

What sucks even more is that my body seems to attack me hardest when I eat anything healthy. The last attacks I had I ate some bananas one night and a papaya the next. But Sunday night I ate a personal pan pizza for dinner and then a Fuddruckers cheeseburger yesterday and I have felt perfectly fine. And oh God, how I hate that. Mentally I feel so greasy and grossed out and yet my body is rewarding me for it by not attacking me. Christ. How the hell am I going to get healthy and lose weight when my body would rather die than let it happen?

I don't know what's worse, the hunger pains from not eating, or the pain that comes when I finally eat. Friday morning I was actually throwing up from it, so now it's gotten to where can't even keep the good stuff down.

Monday cannot come soon enough.