Wrap It Up, I'll Fake It

There's a saying in Austin, Texas that goes something like, "Texas doesn't want to be a part of the United States, and Austin doesn't want to be a part of Texas." And in a strange way that truly sums up the sensation one experiences in this eccentric little burg, more similar to a hip east or west coast city like New York, Los Angeles, or Seattle in terms of its music scene, its ever-booming youth population, and its amazing D.I.Y. spirit, supporting local industry

Me in my hotel room in Austin, Texas on my 40th birthday. The yellow rose was a birthday gift from Joe's sister, Wendy.

with the kind of pride that makes it distinctly unique, especially for a fly-over state where Walmarts and Targets define the landscape. Not that the Walmarts and Targets aren't trying to to make their wicked way into the city limits, hovering along the city's northern borders like an enemy army.

But meeting Joe's sister Wendy was the primary purpose of our journey, and at least I know that I was about as nervous and excited to see her as she was to finally meet the brother that she has always known about, but only finally discovered this past summer. I guess in order to explain it better, Joe's mom and dad divorced when Joe was am infant and his father returned to Honduras, so Joe never got to know his father. Joe's dad married Wendy's mother, an American teaching in Tegucigalpa, and they divorced when Wendy was also an infant, returning home to Texas, and never getting to know her dad either. And Wendy has always known of Joe, but never knew how to

Hermano y hermana outside Threadgill's, under the "Howdy Hour" sign. Inside joke: Joe tends to use the word "Howdy" a lot.

track him down until, God bless the internet (not to mention both working in the field of insurance), Wendy contacted him via Myspace and the rest is, well, allllll in the future I suppose. But the gal is sweet as can be, charming, funny, and meeting her entire family (mother, step-father, other half-brother, and scads of aunts and uncles and cousins) was a bit overwhelming, but they were all so wonderfully welcoming and down-to-earth I felt immediately at home with them in Wendy's mother's house, dining on the elaborate potluck feast the whole family pitched in to make in Joe's honor. I think Joe was kind of intimidated, as anyone might feel being a tad on display, but the man was a trooper and I'm extremely proud of him. I'm used to big, tight-knit families and he isn't. But Wendy is a darling, so sweet and funny and cute as a box of buttons, and really made us feel like her family was our family too. Thank-yew, Wendy!

While we spend our days with Joe's sis, we mostly spent our evenings hanging with our old friend Randy, who has been living on and off in Austin ever since around 1995 and he and his fiance Liz just re-moved down there late last year and it's always a hoot to goof off with those two, no matter what town we're all squatting in at the moment. And let me just state, that if there were ever a reason I would make my permanent home in Austin other than obviously being in the splendid company of Wendy, Liz and Randall, it would be the magnificence that is the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema, the kind of

Joe with Lizzie (in red coat) and Randy (down low in wheelchair) in front of my new Mecca, the Alamo Drafthouse Theater on 6th Street.

movie theater that I would run if I, well, ran a movie theater. The first night in town Randy was eager to take us to see Master Pancake Theater, which is much like Austin's once-a-month answer to Mystery Science Theater 3000 with three guys sitting low on the stage under the movie screen riffing on some modern classic of terrible cinema -- in Friday night's case, The Matrix, which I only saw once in the theater back when it came out and boy, I thought it was terrible then! And these guys were fantastic! Absolutely hysterical, and in many cases even better than some of the MST3K episodes I've seen (and I have seen a lot). Like most cinema drafthouses, waitresses bring you food, sodas, beer and mixed drinks, (I had a chocolate milkshake and a slice of Randy's artichoke pizza... mmmm!) but unlike most of these kind of joints the food is actually damn good. So good, in fact, that we all went back again on Monday night to see one of our favorite cult classics Get Crazy! on the big screen (which I haven't seen in nearly 15 years because I can't find my VHS copy) for more of that killer pizza. But Randy and Liz talked us into having burgers at this bar across the street and down the block called Casino El Camino, insisting that they were the best we'd ever have. And damn if they weren't right! Holy shit they were amazing! I even had a bite out of Randy's hot dog and a few of Lizzie's chili cheese fries and they were astonishing as well! Who knew bar food could be so fabulous? And the jukebox rivaled that of NYC's Mars Bar in coolness, with Joe pumping in quarters and selecting the likes of Wanda Jackson ("Mean, Mean Man"), Bad Brains ("Pay To Cum"), and Sly & The Family Stone ("Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin)") although for some reason when The Raveonettes "Aly, Walk With Me" came on the volume would crank up so high during the fuzzy guitar solo bits that we couldn't stop laughing over how deafening it was. I loves me some Raveonettes, but not THAT MUCH!

A typical weekend evening on Austin's (in)famous 6th Street.

6th Street, by the way, is the heart of Austin's bar and music scene, and during the weekends police shut off automobile traffic and the club-goers wander the street, slipping from club to club, venue to venue, like pre-Katrina Bourbon Street in New Orleans. And the music is just wow, crazy loud. All up and down the street, so you only imagine how much your ears would bleed actually inside the joints, which were all packed to the gills with people... when they weren't all outside puking in the gutters. No wonder Austin ropes off the racket all onto one street in the city.

Of course here we are in one of the music capitals of the United States, and we didn't have a band lined up to see in advance. Then again Austin's music "season" doesn't officially kick in until the SXSW Festival in March, so things are a bit low key during the winter months (which have been in he 70's pretty much the entire time I was

Self explanatory! The Austin Capital building looking down Congress Avenue.

there!). But as luck would have it Joe noticed that the Austin Lounge Lizards were playing Saturday night at this wow-hella-hard-to-find cubbyhole of a club called The Cactus Cafe down near 7th Street so we dragged Wendy along, who had never even heard of them but really seemed to enjoy them as much as Joe and I did. These guys perform their own written comedic bluegrass material, but all with

Ausin Lounge Lizards at the Cactus Cafe.

tremenous musical proficiency and a great deal of good humor and fun. Having been fans of theirs for almost going on twenty years it was a blast to be in their presence at last. It would have been great to have Randy and Liz there too, but we did manage to hook up with them immediately after the gig to see Bobcat Goldthwait at the Capital City Comedy Club, where he totally slayed. Liz was laughing so hard she was bent over the table and I kept holding her hand to make sure she wasn't going to pass out! The again the amount of white russians and pink lemonades she and Randy had that night might have had something to do with it as well.

Joe standing under the Terra Toys sign.

Aside from shows, one really can't go to Austin and not shop their fool head off. Fool head that I have, I'm pretty glad I left the last two days in town to put the most significant dent in my credit cards as far as hauling loot home with me. Joe and I went out scouting for comic book stores Saturday afternoon, and Wendy took us to a cool little hardware store called Zingers as well as the nearby toy store Terra Toys (photo above) and a video store called Encore, which had a decent selection of music and DVDs, although most of them were rentals. Liz and Randy took us to Waterloo Records, Cheapo Records (Joe and I loved Randy's copy of the first Fuck Emo's album he was playing in the car that we were on the hunt to find a copy for ourselves) and finally got to try some Amy's Ice Cream, which is know to be the best in Texas (the Mexican Vanilla is so sinfully rich you can eat it by itself with nothing on it).

The coves around Lake Travis near sunset, as viewed from our table at the Oasis Restaurant

patio, with the multi-million dollar homes along the coastline.

The only time I had anything resembling mediocre food in the entire city was actually on purpose, because although The Oasis isn't know for its soaring cuisine, it comes with probably the best view in all of Austin. This towering restaurant perched on the bluff of the mountains overlooking Lake Travis has level after level of outdoor patio seating where you can eat, drink, and watch the sun go

Catchya on the flip, sunshine...

down behind the mountain range along Lake Travis. The current drought in Austin has left the water levels a little low in the lake, but you could see sandbars, and a solitary sailboat out on the surface as the sun continued to dip down in the sky, and when the very last

sliver o' sun is no longer seen, the bartenders ring their bar bells signaling sundown, and the restaurant diners all clap.... er, for some reason. What a beautiful sight to behold while eating bland veggie burgers in a town where people really do seem to know how to enjoy themselves.

Super trip. And superb company. My thanks to Wendy and Randy and Lizzie for being such fine ambassadors and hosts, and all-around fantabulous peoples. I can't wait to go back again. Maybe some day when Master Pancake Theater does The Lord Of The Rings trilogy, or when The Raveonettes actually play in town and make my brain dissolve when they're not on the Casino El Camino jukebox at top volume.

All the good stuff I got on my shopping spree will be the next blog entry. Stay tuned!