Hasta la Vista, Pinhead

SCORE!! .......



Hokayokayokayokay.... hasn't this album been, like, waaaay out of print for the last, oh I don't know, millennium or two? Or twelve? Wasn't this playing in the background back during the signing of the Magna Carta? Maybe? Am I somewhat off the mark there? Am I overdoing it a bit? And how embarrassed am I that we had it in my store all this time -- I who often do not hesitate to brag over how I know nearly compact disc we carry in our store without hardly having to check the computer inventory -- and it it was only a flippin' $7.99 ta boot? Not counting my employee discount? Can somebody give me a woot-woot and raise the roof for me? Cuz seriously last time I tried raising the roof myself I banged my elbow on the door frame and it smarted a good full hour afterwards, therefore it was established early on from that point that I just haven't gots the "skills", or whatever the kids are calling it these days. Or you can just simply say "Pipe down, Melissa, you're a spazz." and that more often takes care of things right on the spot.

Guess what. Chicken butt? The power at work went out AGAIN. Last night, while I was trying to make up the hours lost from the LAST TIME the power went out, although this time it was thunderstorm-related and not oh-my-god-what-smells-like-hair-on-fire-related like the inventory night of last Sunday. Only this time it was slightly more wacky and zany what with all the customers still in the store that needed to be rounded up like cattle and moved to the front of the store to get them out of there, and believe me even near-to-total darkness won't snap some shoppers out of that browsing reflex, no matter how impossible it is to see what you're buying. And at this point in my retail career I can safely attest that browsing is indeed, very very much, an involuntary reflex.

I was over in the Musica Latina section, helping round up the Mexican customers by following them towards the door in the darkness in a sweeping gesture with my hands and repeating "Cerrado! Cerrado! Lo siento, cerrado!" (that's about all I know) and I kept brushing past the back wall over in that section where we keep most of our movie and celebrity stand-ups that we have for sale. Now we have this one stand-up of the chick that played the last Terminator from T3 that looks just like this:


And I was telling one of my fellow associates that as I was chasing people out of that section I kept running back over to it because from a distance it looked like a customer hiding back in the dark. He asked me what would I do if somebody actually did jump out in the darkness from behind the CD bins like that and I told him that quite honestly I would probably wind up wetting myself. So yeah, I admit I set myself right up for that one as the associate then went and hid the Terminator stand-up in the now pitch-black hallway leading back into the break room and then nonchalantly encouraged me to go down said hallway to see how daaaark and spoooky it all was now. And of course I fell for it like the dipshit I am, and let me just add that those white grid-like things behind her actually appear to glow in the dark, or maybe that was just the stars I saw when I flew backward on contact and hit the floor laughing. And I stayed down there howling for a good minute or two until the associates helped me back to my feet. Serves me right, I suppose. However do I walk right into these traps like I do?

Fortune favors those who use the potty beforehand, because at least I didn't wet myself like I thought I might. Hey! Score again!