Friday, July 07, 2006

Andy Rooney On A Recent 60 Minutes...

Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask," What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage.


I've always appreciated Rooney's satire, and pretty much just satire in general, as it purposely goes broad to make us all laugh at idiosyncratic generalizations. But what I find sort of ironic here is that, although I'm only 3 years shy from the 40 mark, I've found myself relating more and more to several bullet-points mentioned above over the last few passing years, and I've come to notice this long before I had ever read the script from Rooney's segment from 60 Minutes. The big thing specifically: having less time and patience to put up with things that might have really bothered me a lot (or even just a little) in the past.

And I'm not talking about ridiculously insignificant things like my boyfriend wanting to watch the game, because as much as I often make hoary old jokes about being a "Redskins widow" every football season it's never once bothered me, because yeah, I have plenty of other things to do with my time. Not necessarily more interesting things in general per se, but they are interesting to me, and that's really the whole point of it all. I'm not the 18-year-old who'd sit and watch the game with my boyfriend to prove what a cool, hip, understanding girlfriend I am. Hell, I don't give a care if anyone thinks I'm cool or hip. I've long been over caring what anyone thinks of me anymore. Sure I want to be liked. Maybe even loved from time to time. But I'm not out to impress anyone or win anyone over to me by putting on any acts. I find myself greeting every instance of potential inconsequential bullshit with a dramatic roll of my eyes and a barely mustered "whatever", if I even have the time to make that much of a spectacle of my feelings on the subject these days.

And I do tend to lavish big, thundering, overflowing avalanches of praise on people if I genuinely believe that they deserve it. But by no means because I want their friendship or anything else they might have. If you don't want to be my friend, then for the love 'o Yod, please try to keep out of my way. I don't have time anymore for perfectly capable people insinuating themselves into my life in order to get me to me do things for them or take advantage of my admittedly detrimental easygoing demeanor. I fell for that quite often in my life, over and over. I'm less inclined to be that much of a pushover these days. When my bullshit siren blares, prepare to eat my dust. I'll leave you in my wake. Or, if you're particularly persistent, you'll get the truly rare opportunity to see a side of me that most aren't often privy to. I will actually get... angry.

What worries me, though, is how this new-found anger inside of me is going to go over once I'm made a manager at my store. I've recently caught myself handling potentially powder keg situations with less than the diplomacy that I'm used to initiating. I'm concerned that my new-found self-assuredness that comes naturally from age doesn't also automatically equate maturity, as well as poise and most definitely tact. I suppose like with any newly acquired weapon in your arsenal, one must familiarize themselves with it close and personal before figuring out a system to best work it in with the rest of your utility belt. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't have it all figured out yet. I need to realign myself. Need to become more centered. I need balance. I need... GAHHH! Do I really need this freakin' job??

Ho boy. That's another post for another time.

Feh, {{eye-roll}} whatever. Guess I'm going to go shower now and put some, I dunno, pants on or something. Then my 37-year-old ass is gonna go find something to do. And you best believe, babycakes, that it's going to be, um... ummm... interesting? :-)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

andy rooney is a MILF lover

8:26 PM  

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