Swim Fan

You guys remember that bathing suit I bought a couple of months ago that, er, didn't quite cover me in certain hard-to-disguise areas? Today I decided what the hey and took it for its first real test drive down at the gym pool. And no, the breasts still don't fit any better into the top either, but I did manage to sort of cram them in on either side, pack them super-tight and creating this very unflattering illusion of a "uni-boob" growing dead center of my chest. But at this point I didn't give a hoot(er) -- more than anything this morning after spending half if it in the dentist's chair I wanted to go swimming, and at that point I couldn't care less if I flashed half the staff and old folks community, which are the only people using the pool at one in the afternoon anyway. Yeah it's a tit. Slightly smashed. Wanna make sumthin' of it, toots?

But one full hour of alternating laps of freestyle, scissor-kick, backstroke, butterfly, and kickboard and I was ready to croak. As hard as I work out my lower half every damn day I have leg and glutes of fucking steel. But I have thoroughly neglected my upper half -- my arms, my chest, my shoulders and back -- and I was winded about halfway through my first lap. Total mush. Even my once formidable lung power -- kapoot. Something tells me I'll be feeling this one come tomorrow morn, but I gotta admit right now I feel absolutely terrific. I just love swimming so much. And not just the physical exercise. Swimming laps puts me right into a sort of meditative state where my mind goes completely blank and from that moment on nothing else in the universe exists except the burn of my muscles and the sound of my lungs filling every time I surface, followed by that otherworldly silence of the water below when I submerge. It's so wonderfully relaxing. And I love how even after a shower I can still smell the chlorine all over my bare skin. Heaven.

So anyway, on to news that will only probably interest myself as well as Connie and maybe Emily too, tomorrow's episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show looks back on her 25 years in comedy, and according to Allison from The Cold website it might be worth checking out, wink wink nudge nudge. Now knowing Allison like I do she must have some insider 411 so I might expect a certain less-recognizable DeGeneres sibling making a "surprise" appearance on the show in some form or fashion. Could the possible return of Mr. Hands be at, er... hand? Count me there, my lovelies. Count me there.