Walk And Don't Look Back
Today I thought I'd mark the moment of the one-year anniversary of this blog, and honestly I'm sort of quietly freaking out that I managed to make it to this point. After putting my old long-lived raving-mad Old Yeller blog down last spring I swore I'd never do anything like this again, what with all the writing I lost compounded with all the people whom I care about that I may have hurt. But I suppose the hiatus had done me some therapy, spending a week alone in Los Angeles clearing my head, and best of all receiving so many compliments and encouraging words from the friends that I've made online over the years who had read my blog regularly, many of which are themselves incredibly talented writers and artists whose work I admire and respect. All this praise coming from all of these great people was immensely overwhelming, and might I add, touching. And inspiring. I got back into it again on July 25th, 2005 with the expectation that at any moment it would be okay to pull the plug on the whole thing if I felt that I couldn't do it anymore, and strangely enough I think it was with that expectation that allowed me to feel like I could continue going, knowing that I had that escape hatch easily on hand. It's been more than therapeutic, and I can't ever begin to thank everyone who continued to read over the years and left me comments and sent me emails and kept me thinking that I can get back out there again. It was you good folks, much more so than this monster on a rope, that did me a world of good, and I really do love all of ya's.
Having said all that, I've been wondering lately if it really is time to finally pull the plug on this blog as well. I mean, I don't know what I really contribute to it anymore to make it worth reading, if there really ever had been anything to begin with. I started it as a place to personally vent, still feeling monstrously depressed over personal issues in my life with my friends, feeling lost and confused, and it worked as a little closet in cyberspace where I could lock myself away and scream my fool head off until I felt better, and never had to bother anybody about my problems or drive them batty with my behavior. After I started feeling better I thought about reverting this blog back into a music blog, but over the last year due to finances I haven't been able to buy much music like I once did, so I found myself with less and less material to work with. I found myself just... writing about myself, and few things in this life I can imagine could be anywhere near as boring as hearing me gripe about my weight loss and stains on my driveway. I suppose I could do what Joe does and start reviewing all these movies I watch every night since he brings home dozens of free rentals as well as new releases on the weekend before they hit the stores. But lately I've been feeling... um, I don't know... like I've lost my touch with writing in the last few months. Not that I don't enjoy it, but it's getting more and more difficult to put the words together that I want to express my thoughts and feeling accurately. That dusty little corner of my brain feels fragmented, disconnected, like the one and only time I ever took acid and I couldn't hold a thought for too long because it felt like an idea-egg splattering over my head with the thought-yolk slowly sliding down over my eyes. It's no wonder I've lost a lot of readers since the beginning of the year. But really, as far as this blog is concerned in the year 2006, it's served its function. I've proved to myself I can do it again. Does it still need to exist? Or more to the point, do I still need it to exist?
Basically I just don't know right now. And I'm not saying this is the last post or anything, but I'm probably gonna go think about it for a spell. It won't be like last time from the old blog where I wrote this whole post about the Star Trek episode "Mark Of Gideon", complained of feeling overcrowded and needing solitude, and then blipping out of existence. I'll let folks know if I go for good.
And as always, thank you for reading.
Having said all that, I've been wondering lately if it really is time to finally pull the plug on this blog as well. I mean, I don't know what I really contribute to it anymore to make it worth reading, if there really ever had been anything to begin with. I started it as a place to personally vent, still feeling monstrously depressed over personal issues in my life with my friends, feeling lost and confused, and it worked as a little closet in cyberspace where I could lock myself away and scream my fool head off until I felt better, and never had to bother anybody about my problems or drive them batty with my behavior. After I started feeling better I thought about reverting this blog back into a music blog, but over the last year due to finances I haven't been able to buy much music like I once did, so I found myself with less and less material to work with. I found myself just... writing about myself, and few things in this life I can imagine could be anywhere near as boring as hearing me gripe about my weight loss and stains on my driveway. I suppose I could do what Joe does and start reviewing all these movies I watch every night since he brings home dozens of free rentals as well as new releases on the weekend before they hit the stores. But lately I've been feeling... um, I don't know... like I've lost my touch with writing in the last few months. Not that I don't enjoy it, but it's getting more and more difficult to put the words together that I want to express my thoughts and feeling accurately. That dusty little corner of my brain feels fragmented, disconnected, like the one and only time I ever took acid and I couldn't hold a thought for too long because it felt like an idea-egg splattering over my head with the thought-yolk slowly sliding down over my eyes. It's no wonder I've lost a lot of readers since the beginning of the year. But really, as far as this blog is concerned in the year 2006, it's served its function. I've proved to myself I can do it again. Does it still need to exist? Or more to the point, do I still need it to exist?
Basically I just don't know right now. And I'm not saying this is the last post or anything, but I'm probably gonna go think about it for a spell. It won't be like last time from the old blog where I wrote this whole post about the Star Trek episode "Mark Of Gideon", complained of feeling overcrowded and needing solitude, and then blipping out of existence. I'll let folks know if I go for good.
And as always, thank you for reading.
posted by Melissa at 2:20 PM
12 Comments:
Well, I can say that some people need it to exist, since they can't keep in touch in conventional ways. Please don't stop.
I guess I've just been stuck in a creative rut lately, which I admit I go through every now and then, so maybe this is just a phase for me to get through. More and more I just feel dopey thinking that any of this matters in the long run. But I do admit I miss having the outlet once it's gone, so that's pretty much what stays my hand for the moment.
At least you get to know what's going on in my life in a small aspect from time to time. I don't even have an outlet of any kind to vent about how fiercely I miss you.
I love your words as much as I love you- so I for one would miss the pics and thoughts ...lots
Oh Vladimir, man-of-my-heart... but you get to hear me run my mouth all day long as it is! :)
I just came here for the cake. Where's the cake?
Seriously, you've done worlds better than my pathetic attempts at midwifing three stillborn blogs (may they rest in peace).
Ee, I hope you don't stop -- in the end, you gotta do whatever's good for you, but I love reading your blog.
Also, if you're hard up for material during creative dry spells (it happens to us all)... what speed is your modem? Are you still on dial-up or do you have anything faster? Because, I mean, I'm surprised that you don't have a music blog. You've got such cool and crazy tastes, I'd love to see more of what you're listening to or what you think needs more exposure. I know you do this a bit already, but it seems like it'd be up your alley. And there are a lot of free hosting services to upload songs to (Sendspace, etc.). If you're on dial-up, .mp3s would be too much of a hassle, but hell, you're such a good writer that I'd d/l something on your write-up alone (*insert "if it's not a genre I'm totally allergic to" here*).
Ahem. Anyway. :D I hope you stick around and wait out your rut, 'cause having no journal seems to make you sad, and, selfishly, I'd miss you. :) But do whatever makes you feel *good*.
Eep -- I hasten to add that when I mean "how 'bout music bloggin' when you're bored/in a rut," I don't mean to discount the music you already point to and provide. :)
like the one and only time I ever took acid and I couldn't hold a thought for too long because it felt like an idea-egg splattering over my head with the thought-yolk slowly sliding down over my eyes.
It's sentences like this that would make me miss reading this blog.
"Hiatus" is a good word. Don't abandon the blog -- just be willing to say, in serious periods of burnout, that you're going on hiatus.
Give readers a deadline maybe, like "I hope to be back by (insert month or season here)" and then let the drift of life take care of the rest.
like mr T said - take a break- write when you feel the urge not cuz u gotta-
that way you can be reclusive and cool - or something=- you know like the Catcher in the Rye guy or
singers that wait between albums or whatnot
and I think you are a wonderful writer - so I enjoy reading your thoughts
and I dig the pics of the bear and the toys and the albums
ow... thanks, guys. I really never expected all the response, and honeslty I wasn't intentionally fishing for any attention or anything! I guess the thing is I like to write, and it feels good to do a little every day, like exercise. Just that every time I post something new I look at it sideways and think, "Boy, that was sure lame." And I think that my original intent for the blog -- to prove to myself that I could do it again -- had served its function and now since a year has past maybe I should either pitch it totally or revamp, and revamp is sounding better the more I think about it. I really would miss blogging over time, I know. I do so love to shoot my idiot mouth off. Plus I'd miss having you guys around. Of course I speak to most of you pretty regularly anyway via emails, message board communities, old-timey telephones, etc.
Greg, Joe, Wemb, you guys have some great ideas and I'm probably going to mull them over for a bit. I guess last night when I posted this I was feeling tired and a bit hard on myself, trying to convince myself I didn't need the "therapy" that writing in the blog every day game me anymore because things have levelled off to something manageable right now. But hey, we all need therapy in some form or fashion. Only the weirdos in this world have no need for venting. If you guys really don't mind the occasional tedious post every now and then (maybe more now than then for the moment) I would love to have you all along for the ride.
My God, it's just really, really nice to know you're all out there. Every one of you!
Congratz on 1 year
Thank you, Needtsza!
Post a Comment
<< Home