Strut Right By With My Tail In The Air

Flea markets just aren't what they used to be. What was once a potential treasure hunt for antiques and collectibles has turned into a glut of cheap, poorly-made contemporary product in a way that was never quite as prevalent as it once was. Tables covered in old albums and beautiful, old, rare, dusty hardback books have given way to row after row of cheap modern jewelry, bootleg CDs of new releases, DVDs of Hollywood blockbuster movies you can get anywhere else (coffcofffelloffatruckcoff) and Obama's face on more tacky dime store paraphernalia than the Beatles in 64'. But I guess I can't fault anybody who wants to be their own boss and just sell what they got, so long as folks are buying, I suppose. It's just not the same. Not the thrill of the hunt anymore. Although it does makes the occasional table of true oddities all the more visible, and Joe and I spent our Sunday afternoon -- and what was left of our pocket change -- doing the kinds of things we used to do back in our college years; picking up random objects, going "What fresh hell is this?", and taking them home with us. Though not before we stopped off for lunch at the French Bakery, a Norfolk landmark delicatessen founded in the 1940's that we used to frequent when we lived in Ghent back in the 1990's (my parents used to eat there back when they were teenagers). The food is wildly expensive, but reasonable considering how it's all made to order and pretty damn good. I used to love their chocolate rum balls, but they were featuring chocolate-covered bacon that day and I couldn't bring myself to try it, no matter how hard they were pushing it on us. Alvin met us over there and we all had sandwiches while Al admired our booty (our HAUL! HAUL! that is!)

Some of which:

Wot, indeed. Joe nabbed some kind of generic grappler from the "Way Out Wrestler" series, provided by a table from a company called Totally Awesome Super Sweet Stuff (the guy was very nice and gave me his business card so I'm posting his website here.) "He's got muscles where there aren't even any muscles!" Al exclaimed. Joe liked his WOT wrestling belt, which seems to have fallen down around his ankles. And me? I like his freaky onion head. Wasn't this worth a coupla whatever Joe paid for it?

Joe also managed to haggle these comic books down to $5 for both from another vendor at the market. Isn't that super-boss Thor cover just the cat's ass? And who wouldn't want an X-Men parody comic where the bad guys win? Um, all these questions are rhetorical, by the way.

I was action figure hunting that day, so I paid 50 cents each for Odo from this one Star Trek-lovin' lady (she would hardly let me get away from her once she realized that I was a Trekkie and wanted to talk Trek for hours), and the John Stewart Green Lantern, also from the Totally Awesome guy. I'm not really a big fan of this Green Lantern's modern design, all sharp angles and tapered features (unlike Odo from a decade previous) but he is pleasantly bendable. Sometimes a toy's flexibility will be the true selling point for me.

Totally Awesome Super Sweet Stuff primarily specializes in customized rubber ducks, but as much as I wanted the James Brown duck for my downstairs bathroom (slowly cultivating a sort of James Brown theme) I saved my $6 and spent it on a tiny little cute-as-the-dickens Dracula duck, which I think was a buck but I can't remember. Also Joe bought it for me because he was busy buying the basketball duck in the picture for himself. Summer swimming pool hilarity! Especially since we lost our Incredible Hulk doll at the pool when we lived at the Alamar Hotel back in 1989... or maybe that was just his arm. We did carry Hulk's arm around with us for several years after. Ahhh, well...

And for somebody who want me to get rid of my records, Joe sure does put in his fair share of contribution. Only difference, naturally, is that these are, well, awesome. This one guy at the market who always sells vinyl had a box of weirdness set aside, all of it appallingly cheap. Now that brings back memories. One just can't stumble across an album cover like The Dis-Advantages Of You the way we one used to anymore. Joe joked that the man in the picture was Al and the girl was his tall German supermodel girlfriend Kiki. And she's not even wearing heels, bitches. (Al could probably benefit from some.)

And a record about "activity songs for basic motor skill development"? Maybe I'm the one who should have bought this album for herself.

But I suppose Sunday will be best remembered as the day we all discovered what the band Steam really looked like. You know, they of the classic 1969 hit single "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye"? Or more like, what they looked like shirtless and sweaty and swathed in hiptowels. "Look, it's 354 degrees up in that joint!" whooped Alvin. "That's hhhhhhot!" And better yet...

there's a photo on the back cover corner with a producer's credit for another sweaty shirtless man. Mmm, sumthin' for the laaaadiesss. Hooray for sweaty shirtless men! And three cheers for flea markets, dying dignity and all. Sometimes one man's treasure is... uh, another women's crap stacked up in the hallway.

Okay, this question isn't rhetorical. Just how flippin' white trash am I?