Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Can't Take Me Anywhere

I am going to have to severely, severely cut down on coffee.

Like, down to nothing, preferably.

I've been so stressed. So out of sorts. I completely went off on a customer this week. And even though most people thought he had it coming, I'm still not the kind of person who would handle such a situation without my trademark Melpster diplomacy. I've been in a rage all week, to the point of it being almost crippling. But I'm only angry with myself. I feel like a failure. Undeserving. Riddled with self doubt. I don't know if I can do this.

Maybe I need a vacation on top of everything else.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Gets Her Charge From The Charleston Battery

Vance sings his signature song "Parnell Pitcher". Thanks to Connie for the heads up.

Also a new update from his website:


MUSIC NEWS: "Hi, it's Vance. I just want to thank everyone for being so supportive and making me feel welcome during my recent tour with Cowboy Mouth. It was an incredible experience playing with one of the best rock and roll bands in the world. I'm back in Los Angeles at the moment writing for the 2007 Academy Awards. It airs this Sunday, February 25 on ABC. Besides working with the other writers and Ellen on her material, look for a song I wrote for the show. Can't really give away any more than that right now. As far as continuing on with Cowboy Mouth, I'll be playing with them again as of March 2. Looking forward to getting back on stage."

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The 39 38 Steps

A little older, a little flakier... not exactly where I pictured myself to be at this age, but then again I've never ever pictured myself being this age. You picture 40, y'know? You picture 50, 60, some nice obvious rounded-off even number. I picture myself at 90, all long gray tangled curls and boobs down to my ankles sitting in my rocking chair on the porch of my house built out of tin cans and epoxied album covers, with a cigar clenched between my teeth and a shotgun on my lap while stray cats wander in and out of my front door and "Standing On The Verge Of Getting It On" cranks sweetly on the old Victrola coming out of my open windows. But I never pictured myself at 38. I guess because picturing myself at 90 is a thousand times more fun.

Sunday, February 18, 2007


Mon 19: 4-cl
Wed 21: 3-cl
Thur 22: 3-cl
Fri 23: 11-6:30
Sat 24: 3-9:30

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Tony Orlando And Bjork's Big Bollywood Adventure

I really don't know what all this means, precisely.

But it makes me surprisingly happy!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Pardon Me Whilst I Obsess A Bit...

Yeah, I'm really not sure yet if this really is the real Vance's myspace page. Because:

a.) Other than the parts of the text that were basically copied and pasted from Vance's official website, everything else written doesn't quite seem like Vance to me. Not like I know the guy or anything, natch. But the top half of the text has a completely different tone to it, as if written by someone else. And sort of lacks Vance's signature dry wit that is evident from the copy-and-pasted text from the bottom.

b.) Did Vance really move back to New Orleans? Seems a mighty long commute to L.A. every day where I assume he's still working. Unless he really moved back to join Cowboy Mouth full time. Hell, does even Cowboy Mouth still live in New Orleans these days?

c.) Why does Vance list his entire family, except for his father, as his hero?

d.) Why does Vance need myspace in order to communicate with his sister?

e.) Why couldn't he have put his profile on xpeeps?

Of course I still asked to be added as a friend. I'm not that unconvinced yet.

Monday, February 12, 2007

At Least Now I Can't Hear Those Pesky Voices In My Head

First 20 tracks on my iPod this afternoon while plugged into my super giganto old-schooly monster headset (Joe calls them my "Harrison Bergeron" headphones because since I've recently lost my little ipod ear buds I now have to be punished by wearing huge heavy headphones that knock me down a peg or two with the rest of humanity):

1. "Bring Mt Family Back" - Faithless
2. "Stone Free" - The Jimi Hendrix Experience
3. "D's Car Jam/Anxious Mo-Fo" - The Minutemen
4. "I Know A Little" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
5. "Love In A Trashcan" - The Raveonettes
6. "Cross Burning Part Two" - Die Warzau
7. "On Reflection" - Korekyojin
8. "Miles Runs The Voodoo Down" - Miles Davis
9. "After The Laughter" - And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead
10. "(Rock) Superstar - Cypress Hill
11. "Roller Disco" - Goldie Lookin' Chain
12. "Berlin Wall" - The Sons Of The Blues Band
13. "Pick Up The Pieces" - Average White Band
14. "The Ledge" - Bernard Hermann
15. "Bitch" - Rinocerose
16. "Fun With Bad Boys" - Screaming Rachael
17. "Only A Lad" - Oingo Boingo
18. "Let's Get Rid Of NY" - Randoms
19. "Realisation" - The Art Of Noise
20. "Sanitarium" - Howard Shore

Sunday, February 11, 2007


Sun 11: 3-cl
Tue 13: 4-cl
Wed 14: 9:30-6
Thur 15: 4-cl
Sat 17: 11-6:30

Saturday, February 10, 2007

I'm Suddenly In The Mood For Melba Toast

This is mondo dopey, I know. But I'm excited. I found "Sardines" by the Junkyard Band! A song that I haven't heard since I was maybe about 14 years old when the kids in school would stride down the halls clapping their hands and chanting "Sar-DINES! Pah-pah-pah-porn and beans!" Anybody remember that old jam? No, not the greatest song in the world. But we all thought it was hilarious back then. Sardines, y'know? Inherently funny. Coupled with pork AND beans. That's just comedy gold right there.

New improved Blogger Beta 2000 isn't letting me link a damn thing lately so here's the url to the yousendit file if you wanna hear the track. It's an m4a file and only up for 7 days:

And I finally found it on this recent release:

DJ Mike Sky presents Bring Da Beat Back: Crankin' Old School Go Go Mix which features tracks by other great Washington DC go-go legends like Chuck Brown and Rare Essence, to name a few. Anyway, I gots it now. And Joe makes a face every time he hears it. But it's nostalgia. And it kind of makes me hungry when I hear it. I actually quite like sardines. And pork with beans. Hmm. Time to break out the ole blender.

A few other purchases this week:

See how woefully behind I am with what all the kids are listening to these days? I am finally in the possession of TV On The Radio's Return To Cookie Mountain which includes about a bazillion untitled tracks so I'm not sure what goes with where and the what and ahoy-hoy. Haven't even had time to listen to so I'll get back with this one presently.

Boris, Pink. Another one that's been making everyone's best of lists from last year, and I really like what I've heard so far. Arty experimental metal that reminds me more of free jazz than something that sprouted hybrid-form from the rock genre.

Krautrockers Can's newly remastered Monster Movie, which sports a pretty boss album cover, and luckily plays on my computer since it's a SACD hybrid and I never bought on of those before.

And lastly The Chameleons' Script Of The Bridge, which I owned on cassette back in college because I thought the album cover was so cool, and later bought on vinyl. And now CD, which I had no idea even came out in this format. In fact I bought both this and the Can CD used off a kid who was trying to sell them back to my store and we couldn't take then, so I slipped him a few bucks out of my pocket for these two. Nice album. Wasn't quite as good as their other disk Strange Times (which also sports a rad cover and I still have on LP) but once again, nostalgia and all that. It's been that kind of week. A very, very strange week indeed.

Be Kind To My Mistakes (Part Deux?)

*suuuuuuuck* :: exhale ::


I'm going to go ahead and mention it here. Because it's my personal space and only a few of you know about it, and what few of you here that still manage to hang in there know me fairly well and I generally trust as one can trust folks they meet on the internet. So I'm fairly comfortable posting this at present. Although how I'll feel in another hour day or so remains to be seen.

This past Sunday, I started an xpeeps page.

Okay okay okay whoa whoa whooaaaaaa Melissa... Melissa... Melissa? An xpeeps page, for crying out loud? You? who have always been embarrassed about her body? Who wears heavy sweaters and high collars everywhere she goes? Who's even afraid to take her shirt off in front of her boyfriend sometimes? You are putting it out there for all to see? And what, by the way, is your motivation behind all this? And... and... er, eesh ah, what the hey is that long rubbery doohickey sticking out between your tits in that one photo at the bottom row? (gulp)

Alright, so none of you are actually asking me these questions. More like, I am asking them myself, I suppose.

Here's the thing. I'm shy about my body. Generally always have been. Never had the slightest sexual confidence in myself. Besides being violently molested by a childhood friend, I was bullied mercilessly as an adolescent, starting with taunts from him that led on to more and more over the course of the following school years. I was taller than all the boys, uglier than all the girls, and to top it off I had these freakishly huge breasts that made their antipathy towards me even more confusing, as they'd slam me against the walls, one hand over my offending face while the other reaching awkwardly under my shirt, all the while muttering nonsensical doggerel mixed with loathing and lust. I went through phases of not wanting any male attention after that, and I did my best not to invite it. I wore concealing clothing. I even became relieved when around between 1995 and 2000 I started gaining large amounts of weight, thinking that would deter unwanted lustful solicitations. Needless to say, my mental viewpoint of sexuality wasn't healthiest to say the least.

In recent years I've come more comfortable with my looks, my body, and my sexuality, and gradually I'm trying to undo the damage done. Self-inflicted damage, so I blame no one but myself. I may not be beautiful, but I no longer think I scare small children, they way I was convinced I was. Like all of us, I get by with what little I got, and I'm okay with that. Not like I'm out looking for anyone anyway, since I have a fantastic boyfriend who has loved me from the very beginning, no matter how I've looked over the years. He knows about the xpeeps page too, and he's fine with it. He trusts me unblinkingly, and he knows that I'd never do anything that he wouldn't feel comfortable with. He knows this is an experiment. But an experiment on what?

Well, what I have surmised so far is that men sure do like boobies.

I very, very rarely share nude photos of myself with anyone. The first person who even asked was my porn star friend a few years ago, who also encouraged me to make this page, and left me many positive comments and emails after my initial launch. I sent him nudes via email, and I remember how freaked out I was about just that alone. Since then I showed nude photos privately to maybe one or two other people that I trusted, but that's really been it. Although their responses made me feel a little more encouragement about what little sexual appeal I didn't think I ever had. Of course most men who receive naked photos of a girl in the mail are going to be happily receptive, I imagine. I took it all at face value.

Anyway, after being dared by another internet friend I took the plunge into the next phase of the experiment, and set up the xpeeps page. I put a shot of me in the avatar photo revealing lots of cleavage, and mugging in this intentionally hilarious cheesecake smile. And less than a minute after I loaded my page by friend request box was flooded. I mean holy-shit-what-fresh-hell-is-this-what-have-I-gotten-myself-into flooded. Since Sunday night I currently have over 400 friend requests and counting, and just as many emails from every single one. Mostly wanting my IM and begging to hook up, etc. Of course what else does one expect at at such an establishment. And to be honest, it's scary. Really, reaaalllly fucking scary sometimes. Like an episode of Fear Factor, like pouring honey over your head and throwing yourself into a pit of hungry bears. I feel like fresh meat. A side of beef. And my photos aren't even that explicit. Mostly cleavage shots, a few naked breast shots, and one of my bare bottom. That's it. Stuff I've had in my hard drive forever that either Joe took of me or that I took of myself to send to my porn pal. If you could see what some people put on their pages over there you'd think my page would be Walt Freaking Disney. I mean really. I mean, holy crap.

And yet... wow. A part of me is overwhelmed. I had no idea. I mean sure, right now I feel like I have ants crawling all over me, not to mention a slight patina of scuzziness as well. Not exactly the most dignified or erudite of salons on the cyberspace. But all these years of hiding my body, hiding my deeply raging sexuality under fears and apprehensions, I step outside, open my shirt to the world, and I didn't burn up under the fearful heat of their glare. Ultimately, I wanted to do something drastic to conquer my sexual fears. And I did it. And as scared as I still am, I'm also relieved. I feel like I can breathe a little. I feel like I'm okay. I can't quite describe it, but it's an odd sensation not completely unlike liberation.

I still may take the page down in a few days, after the dare-cycle is complete. Or maybe just switch out my nudes to just the plain regular photos that I have in my myspace page. And maybe even see how many of my so-called "friends" jump ship and delete me after that. But until then, it's up. For however long that may be. Doesn't matter anymore. Because I did it once. And that's all I ever really needed to do.

:: exhale again ::

Going to go take a hot shower and loofah this *shudder* clinging film of creepy off my flesh.

Friday, February 09, 2007

The Gettin's Good

Went to Trilogy today with Joe to buy the newest Strangers In Paradise (3rd to the final issue, fellas) and a couple of Dan DeCarlo-era Archie comix and ran into Lee there picking up some old titles, so we all went out together to Fuddruckers for lunch. Lots of laughs, and great as always to catch up with an old friend, even though I see Lee nearly every other week when he pops into my store but every visit with him is a whirlwind of events and thoughts and wild kinetic chatter that we never got to the last time we spoke. Hard to believe I've known both these boys pretty much my entire adult life. Hard to believe I'm getting one more year closer to forty this month already.

Speaking of which, another early birthday present magically appeared folded up in my wool coat that I always so sloppily toss off to the side when I barge into the house from out of the cold:

Persuasion, one of my all-time favorite romantic movies, the story of a 27-year-old spinster named Anne who back when she was 19 was persuaded not to marry a young sailor named Frederick Wentworth because of his poor family's connections. Now years later he returns from sea a captain and a war hero, and although Anne's intense feelings for him have never diminished, she is completely unsure of how the once-bitten Captain Wentworth still feels about her after all this time. Beautifully, subtly acted by Amanda Root as the practical, sensible Anne and CiarĂ¡n Hinds as the dashing captain that she pines for. I saw this in the theater when it was first released and I still watch my worn-down VHS copy every few months or so, and even though I pretty much have all the dialogue down pat it still sweeps me completely away.

But what's super keen about this edition is that it comes with the actual paperback Austin novel, which, by the way, I have never actually read. Because I'm a Philistine that way. But thank you again anyway, my lovely coat fairy. I think I'll warm up by tucking in with it again tonight.

After I finish all my Archie comics.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

The Teddybears Tailgate Party

This is what Superbowl Sunday looked like in my living room this past weekend.

And okay, so they're not all bears. The monkeys and the manatees were made honorary ursine Sunday night, and although I am neither here or there about the Chicago Bears Tyler had been mouthing off all week about how he and his posse gotta represent so we dragged them all down onto the couch that night for our little private "bearbang". And they sure did keep my feets warm as I tucked them underneath them while sprawled out next to them.

Sorry about the pic being so dark. My living room is kind of dim in general. Not a lot of direct lighting is good for keeping guests calm and unspooked in my Frankenstein-like presence.

And did you check Prince, what with all the purple rain pouring down? And sales in his disks have spiked tremendously since then nationwide. I wonder how much of that old Warner Bros. stuff he will ever see, royalty-wise, since aside from covers by Ike & Tina and The Foo Fighters it was all pretty much old skool Jaime Starr.

Sorry about not posting in awhile, but things have been busy as heck. But I'm catching up with it all today and tomorrow, a I can. Got more music to post. And maybe, if I get the courage, a few other things.

Friday, February 02, 2007


Mon 5: 3-cl
Tue 6: 10-5:30
Wed 7: 10-6:30
Thur 8: 4-cl
Sat 9: 2-9:30