Schedule

Mon 3: 3-cl
Tue 4: 10-4:30
Wed 5: 12-8:30
Thur 6: 3-cl
Fri 7: 12-8:30

Spectator Sports

The Friday Five:

1.) What fandom do you center on most?
I don't really follow any fandom anymore. Not like I did in a big way at any point, really, but about 10 years ago I was heavily into Star Trek and reading some of the more well-written fan fiction on the web.

2.) Do you contribute to it much (write fanfiction, draw fanart, participate in online communities and discussions)?
Never really contributed anything, either. A fandom "leech", really. Actually I never thought my writing was good enough so most of the writing I did was in private and maybe shown in total to one, two people at the most. One of them probably being my imaginary friend, Anubis The Infidel.

3.) Do you think that such things are good or harmful to the fandom and why?
I generally believe that things in and of themselves are not harmful unless the person wielding them intends to do harm. Sure there are a couple of tinhats in the fringes (Fandom_Wank, anyone?) but I've found that most people in fandom are mostly just out to enjoy themselves and I see nothing wrong with that.

4.) Do you think its good or harmful for the original creator?
As long as nobody's making any money off their work and basically giving credit where credit is due, I don't necessary see any harm to it. I'd be personally flattered that my own creativity sparked another whole network of creativity in thousands of other people, most of whom are doubtlessly more talented than myself anyway and could go to new and different places with it. Of course I suppose it depends on the initial intent of the original creator. I remember the Viacom vampires trying to shut down every last Star Trek fan page on the net back in the 90's, but I don't consider them the creators anyway, and Roddenberry, y'know... dead and all.

5.) Why do you like this fandom in particular?
Been a bit of a Star Trek dweeb since I was a tyke. Got very hard core into Deep Space Nine during it's initial air. Oh, and I had this delirious, achingly raging hard-on for Q. TMI? Que bueno.

Get What's Coming To Me

Ah. It's beginning to look more and more likely that my next promotion is going to occur a little sooner than I anticipated. One of the lead girls is leaving next week, which leaves her position open. And leaves me next in line for the job.

Er, ah. Wow. After nearly 3 years of nuthin', two promotions within two months of each other.

And while this is exactly what I've wanted, what I've busted my tuckus for so hard since Day One at that store, I'm a little ambivalent about getting the job now. Part of me wonders if I'm indeed capable of handling it. Even my boss wasn't so certain I was "manager material". I'm certainly a hard worker and start projects on my own, but she doesn't think I can effectively lead people, which in part she just may be correct. My naturally introverted nature keeps me distant from my co-workers and even my boss, who complains that as much as she loves having me on the team she never has any idea what I'm thinking, because I'm generally so quiet and distant most of the time (not like I even know what I'm thinking half the time anyway), and again she's probably right. I'm trying to take steps to be less shy, more loquacious and outgoing (erk), and not have so much tunnel vision when I'm in full-on work mode all the time. I'm like that when I'm doing just about anything, really, so it's a general issue that I need to work through and I freely admit it.

But what worries me the most is, well... just the overall company politics general. I can't really go into it in detail here in a public forum like this, but let's just say that there are certain, ah, internecine machinations happening behind the scenes that I could easily see myself on the pointy end of if I'm not too careful. Or even if I am careful, which is what really frightens me. Let's just leave it at that.

I really need the promotion, though. More like I need the raise, since I'm already full time and getting benefits. But... oh, God. I just don't know. Can I do this? Eek. Double eek.

MONDALE!

Congratulations to Will Harris, a fellow high school alumni of mine whose humorous interview with Jello Biafra made the cover of Portfolio Weekly this week. Will had sent me an advance copy of the interview via email, but neither of us had anticipated then that it would make the cover story (his first), so kudos Mr. Harris -- a fascinating read. I remember years ago making taped copies of my spoken word Biafra record No More Cocoons and tossing them into open car windows in shopping center parking lots.

Jello's gonna be at the NorVa tonight. Do I feel like going? Hm. Might be entertaining. Maybe I can bring him a burn DVD-R copy of Terminal City Ricochet. Poor dear... last I heard even his parents still haven't seen that movie.

The Water's A Bit Nipp(l)y Today...

Christ on a bicycle! Has anyone checked out the cover to Charo's latest album?? (click the pic to make them it, ahem, BIG)...


Okay okay... she and I have, well, roughly the same chest size, I'd wager. And yet. AND YET. How old is this woman anyway? In her sixties? And she still has far superior boobs than me by leagues. Must be all those rigorous cuchi-cuchi exercises going all the way back to The Love Boat years. I'm having a mighty severe inferiority complex right now. Maybe this can be filed away under TMI, but I would sell my little brother for areolas that size. Sigh.

In non-related news, I just bought a Logitech web cam with micro telephone headset. And no, you may not see what size my areolas really are.

Maker's Mark

There's this song by Gwen Stefani that we play over and over in our store every day. "Crash", I think it's called. Simply dreadful thing. Outright clawing at my ears and howling like a cat bad. But there's this one line where Stefani sings, "You got me addicted just like a free-baser" and immediately after the line is "rapped" out you can hear a very faint soulful chorus of women in the background cry out "Free-bass-aahhhhh!" and that just slays me every damn time.

Anyway, that's my random thought of the day.

Why Would You Care?

First 20 tracks on my iPod while sitting here not feeling like going in to work today...

1. "Dead Man" - Little T & One Track Mike
2. "I'm Free" - Merle Haggard
3. "Machine Gun" - Peter Brötzmann
4. "Who Do You Love" - The Jesus & Mary Chain
5. "Sycamore" - Negativeland
6. "Smiling" - Operation Ivy
7. "Big Mouth Blues" - Gram Parsons
8. "Mr. Moonlight" - Dr. Feelgood & the Interns
9. "Four Walls" - Early Man
10. "You Say You Don't Love Me" - The Buzzcocoks
11. "Living Through Another Cuba" - XTC
12. "The Restaurant Song" - Paul Robertson
13. "Anaclasis" - Ruins
14. "Galvanize" - The Chemical Brothers
15. "'Til The Stars In His Eyes Are Dead" - Shelley/Devoto
16. "Chain Gang Of Love" - The Raveonettes
17. "Angel Of Death" - Thin Lizzy
18. "Clear Spot" - Captain Beefheart
19. "Just Like Him" - Frank Howard & the Commanders
20. "Paranoid" - Black Sabbath

Schedule

Sun 25: 2-cl
Mon 26: 3-cl
Wed 28: 11-6:30
Thur 29: 3-cl
Fri 30: 10-5:30

Too Soon?

Hitler is comedy gold. Cats that look like Hitler, um... makes me feel a little sorry for the cats. Thanks to Careena for the link.

In other news: Oh, how I wish I was in L.A. this week. Oh, how I really, really wish that I was in L.A. this week.

The Affectionate Punch

The Friday Five:

1. What is the one outfit/piece of clothing/accessory you own that makes you feel incredibly good whenever you wear it? Why?
I have this T-shirt -- baby-blue with an orange collar and sleeve cuffs, and an iron-on picture of "tater-tots" resembling a plate of mangled pigs testicles -- that simply must be the single ugliest piece of clothing I own. Someone told me that the shirt logo had something to do with the movie Napoleon Dynamite, and for now I'll take their word for it. But something about the material of the shirt makes it absolute heaven to wear, especially when sleeping or just loafing around the house after work. And that's about the only time you're ever likely to see it, since I wouldn't actually dare to wear something this monstrously hideous outside the confines of my fortress 'o solitude. Consider yourselves spared.

2. What do you do to make yourself feel better when you're in a funk?
When I'm in a funk? I'm always lookin' to be in a funk. And funk is just what the Doctor Funkenstein prescribes! I highly recommend The Motor Booty Affair by Parliament or One Nation Under A Groove by Funkadelic. Funk not only moves, it can remove. Dig?

3. Has anyone ever surprised you in a way that let you know you were special? How?
Quite a few instances, I'd say. Mostly just a lot of little non-specific things, and they occur nearly every day. The occasional sweet gesture from a friend or parents, and my bf doesn't let a day go by without reminding me how much he cherishes me. I gotta say I'm pretty damn lucky. I may not have a huge passel of friends or admirers, but one thing's for certain; the people that are close to me in my life have always made me feel very, very exceptionally loved.

4. When you are having a "good day," how do you spread the happiness to others?
More than likely you'll be receiving a heaping parcel of mix CDs in the mail from me. Or maybe one sitting in the front seat of your car via your open window. Or maybe one through your closed window tied to a rock. Oh, I have my ways.

5. What is one thing that puts you in a bad mood, no matter how good you were previously feeling?
Tuning in every night at 6:30 for the evening news. Glutton for punishment, much?

Let's Have A Brainwash

Joe's mother Lucy just left this morning. She seemed pretty pleased with the new digs, and came bearing housewarming gifts of MORE jars of homemade canned jams, salsas and sauces (she grows and cans her own food, and never fails to hook us up) and this old painting of the Moulin Rouge that Joe's grandmother bought in Paris ages ago and had hanging in her home before she passed away a few years ago. Can't tell from the pic, but it's purdy durn huge, so it goes right over the couch in the living room, so that The Flash can look right up at it while continuing to be tucked behind the furniture waiting to be hung up somewhere as well. Poor, poor long-suffering, neglected Flash.

Other than that we took a tour of the Contemporary Art Center down at the beach and had lunch at PF Chang's before I trotted off to work. Each day seems to be getting hotter and unbearably unendurably utterly insufferably hotter, and I actually bought myself a caramel frappachino from the Barnes & Noble next door to my store just to ice down my poor sweaty lil' noggin even though I swore I wasn't going to buy one until I've lost another 10 pounds. By the way, I'm thinking of taking up yoga. Just to pick up on some stretching exercises to aid in stress relief as well as toning up on some o' these flabstatic muscles that have more than slightly atrophied since I stopped working out so rigorously after moving back in March. I bought a DVD...


and I've been looking up positions and simple flex moves on the web to try and get me started. And I'm attempting to achieve 100 sit-ups a day. Welll... just not all at once. But I do plan on getting them all in there before bedtime!

And I also put this on my refrigerator, for good measure.

Gonna Get Myself Connected

Internet connections up the whazoo. Thinking it's about time I called my local cable company. I'm lucky it's been letting me on this long to blog, so in brief:

Hung out with Connie and her friend yesterday on her birthday. Took them around Virginia Beach, lunch at Il Giardino's, and a minor shopping spree at Nancy's Nook. I really need to go back there and buy some cute panties. And wouldn't ya know it, they're out of corsets with the bra cups my size. And I'd just look silly in the bra-less corsets. Not that I wouldn't look silly in just about all of it. But I gotta keep the boyfriend interested at least every once in awhile. ;-)

I have the Ernie K-Doe song playing in my head as I'm busily vacuuming and tidying up for the boyfriend's mother coming to visit us this week, since she has never seen the new place and she's getting ready to move out to Boulder, Colorado soon. She's driving in tonight and sleeping over. I guess I just hope she likes our little investment. I think she was a little worried, but I want to show her how nice it is, especially compared to the place we were before.

Anyway, almost time for soccer. Never been a follower of any sport, but I do enjoy watching World Cup every time it comes around. Then I get to email about it to my friend Khaled in Casablanca, who is probably the only man in Morocco right now cheering for Team USA.

Going to walk down to 7-11 and get some coffee now.

Peachy Keane

A belated housewarming gift from my brother.

Electra Woman

It's Father's Day. And you know what that means. Time to empty out Melissa's hold bin at work. Oh, and get my dad a super-duper ultra-boss Father's Day giftie. Well at least I think it's super-duper. Witness the purchasing of the ginormous John Wayne John Ford Film Collection box set, beotches:

Eight John Ford directed features starring John Wayne, including the DVD debut of three movies, Fort Apache, The Wings Of Eagles, and The Long Voyage Home. Also features 3 Godfathers, She Wore A Yellow Ribbon, and They Were Expendable, as well as a newly remastered copy of the magnificent Stagecoach and what looks to be a 2-disk 50th anniversary collector's edition of The Searchers which also comes with reproductions of the original 1956 Warner Bros. press book as well as the 1956 Dell comic book. It was my father who foisted off his old comics books onto me as a child, giving me his old X-Men and Jonah Hex titles when he was done with them, and even let me read his second-hand issues of Heavy Metal despite how young I was, at least ostensibly to encourage my nascent drawing talents. Although it more than likely helped nurture the little perv inside me that thrives quite happily to this day.

My mother may have wanted me to be educated, but it was my father that insisted that I be cultured. He took me on his travels across country and overseas to help broaden my horizons. He bought be books on art and mythology, and was primarily instrumental in introducing me to the passions of music by sneaking into my room at night and putting new records by some musician or band that I had never heard of before next to my bed while I slept so that I'd see it first thing in the morning. Saturday morning rituals with my father included record shopping at Peaches and Tracks and Birdland, where I'd stare deep into those strange and bizarre album covers from the 70's hanging on the walls and wonder what every single one of them sounded like. My father taught me to be adventurous. To always take the scenic route, even if it was a longer drive. To sit and look at things for hours so that you learn all you can about it because it's never too late to get to know something or someone intimately. To treat everyone you meet like a family member. And definitely, to love good movies. Which I hope I'm giving back to him with this box set. Unfortunately they just don't manufacture anything in this world that can give back to my dad everything that he's given me throughout my life. I love you, Daddy. xoxoxo

And Happy Father's Day to all my friends who are fathers. May a thousand John Wayne box sets descend upon your homes on this day as well.

Urge Overkill

So it looks as if there might be a re-release of the original 1970's version of The Wicker Man to coincide with the upcoming Neil LaBute evisceration adaptation, but I got a hunch they're still just pumping out the shortened US version again. Grrr. Has anybody out there who knows a thing or two heard otherwise? Am I gonna have to eBay the UK version, or whatever that version was that came out in a wooden box in 2001? And I bet it goes for assloads of dinero, too. Balls. There's just too long a list right now for OOP DVDs I want from eBay at this moment. Hey, is the UK version of The Wicker Man on DVD with the extra minutes left in? I can now finally order PAL since learning how to get my Sampo DVD player to play my PAL-encoded Europorn feature films this week.

And to demonstrate just how out of touch I typically am, one of my all-time favorite movies Map Of The Human Heart has been out on DVD now for over two years and I'm just hearing about it now. :::weeps:::

The Melissa Papers

The Friday Five:

1. What’s the most embarrassing thing/job you’ve had to do to earn money?
I don't think I've actually done anything that I was embarrassed about as far as making a buck is concerned (had to tack that last bit on there). Maybe a few jobs that were beneath me. But then again aren't all our job's inherently beneath us?

2. What’s the easiest and quickest way you have earned a buck?
Selling off used CDs. No wait, there's nothing easy about that. But it can be quick.

3. If you could set your own salary, according to your skills and worth, how much would you earn?
How much is it worth knowing that "Vehicle" by The Ides Of March was a Number One hit on April 11th, 1970? How much is it worth for me to stop dropping these little nuggets 'o worthless music trivia on all of you? I'll take "hush money" any day.

4. Are you a good saver?
HARD-ly. Those of you who have seen my house and the things contained within can attest to that.

5. What’s the most expensive and useless thing you have ever bought?
A college education.

Shiftless When Idle

First 20 tracks on my iPod at.... uhhhhh, sometime this morning.

1. "ISI" - Neu!
2. "Respectable Street" - XTC
3. "The Most Beautiful Girl In The World" - Prince
4. "Trouser Press" - Bonzo Dog Doo- Dah Band
5. "Kannonen-Song" - Dagmar Krause
6. "Fucked Up City" - Zeke
7. "Hercules" - Aaron Neville
8. "Hello Walls" - Faron Young
9. "Marooned" - Wire
10. "Right Off (Take 12)" - Miles Davis
11. "Soy Califa" - Dexter Gordon
12. "Shanty Town" - Desmond Dekker
13. "Acting So Bad" - HR
14. "Magic" - Pilot
15. "Rollin with Kid 'N Play" - Kid 'N Play
16. "Back Of A Car" - Big Star
17. "Can't Do Nuthin' For Ya Man" - Public Enemy
18. "(Rock) Superstar" - Cypress Hill
19. "Jackin' For Beats" - Ice Cube
20. "Only A Lad" - Oingo Boingo

That Faron Young song reminds me of the time years ago when I was living in downtown Norfolk with Joe and Steve, and late one night Steve came home depressed because his girlfriend had just broken up with him so Joe and I decided to take him out to eat somewhere and try to cheer him up a bit. At about 2 in the morning the only thing open in that part of town was the 24-hour diner that primarily catered to insomniac truckers and nightowls after the local bumpkin bar gave last call. Some twisted previous patron must have thought it would be hi-larious if they programmed "Hello Walls" on the jukebox over and over again, which couldn't have been a worse song to have as your background score while trying to buck up your recently jilted roommate. Yet it was the fact that it kept repeating that kept us all in stitches throughout the night, and after the 8th or 9th play in a row the three of us were nearly under the greasy Formica table with laughter. I think for several months later whenever one of us experienced an emotional loss of some kind, whether getting our cars broken into (which happens a lot in Norfolk) or me being distraught over losing my favorite hair brush (also happens more often than you'd think) one of us would often pipe in with "Hello, walls...." which would instantly disarm any situation no matter how grief-stricken we'd get. I find it still works, too, under certain circumstances.

Schedule

Fri 16: 11-6:30
Sat 17: 3-cl
Sun 18: 11-5:30
Mon 19: 12:30-8
Wed 21: 3-cl
Thur 22: 3-cl
Sat 24: 9-5:30

Hey look! Hitting my head repeatedly over the keyboard for the last two days straight has finally regained my access to Blogger. I suppose I should take this opportunity while it lasts, although it just occurred to me that I really don't have a damn thing to write about. Not like that's ever stopped me before, as you all well know.

I am happy to announce, although more to myself than anyone else who might not have noticed, that I appear to have finally pulled out of that 3-month period of crippling stress and depression that so completely unmanned me since around the time that I first bought my new house. Sadly I can now look over my body and see the damage done. The compulsive overeating. The chronic oversleeping. My baggy eyes and tore-up complexion. All I have to show for everything is 30 extra pounds and about 3, 598 more grey hairs on one side of my head.

But I also got a house that rocks and a job I enjoy and a man I love. And a bear. There's no leaving out the bear.

I guess I do have something to write about. And there it is.

The Land Of Doesn't Have To Be

I own a lot of CDs. Yes, on top of all the vinyl and rickety old cassettes and the 7 or 8 non-functioning thrift store 8-tracks in my possession, I have just as many if decidedly more CDs than all of that combined. In short, I own a LOT of CDs. And yet for all the CDs that have come and gone over the years, the ones I've either sold or given away, the ones that were either stolen by filthy stinkin' former roommates or made into coasters or ineffectual make-shift sailboats for Weebles, I still to this day own the very first compact disk I ever acquired. The CD single to "Sugar Free" by Wa Wa Nee.

Yep, there it is in all it's hideous pre-photoshop promo-only glory. How the heck did I get this? I was a freshman in college working at the "campus radio station" (and by "radio station" I mean "CD player and FM transmitter hooked up in my friend Jay's dorm room") and I think I came out on the losing end of that old childhood game "You're Stuck With It" where you keep trying to pass some unanimously agreed-upon undesirable object onto an unsuspecting person and they as a result are "stuck with it" until they can trick someone else into taking it off their hands. As far as what I know about them, they were an Aussie band, this single came out around 1987 or 88, and about 5 seconds into the song you'll feel strangely compelled to spork your own eyes out one by one. And yet I still own it. In fact, as it clearly states right on the cover, I even own the 12" version of this big stinker. Glutton for punishment, much?

Anyways, ENJOY!!!!!

Sugar Free by Wa Wa Nee (m4a file)

Available for 7 days.

The Divine Miss W

I have just recently discovered the ultimate in mind-bending experiences: Playing Glen Campbell's hit version of "Southern Nights" back to back with Allen Toussaint's trippy, witchy, fever-spell original. Over and over. For three days straight. Let me re-emphasize that. Three. Days. Straight. Okay, maybe you should, I dunno, eat some bananas or something while you're doing it. Anyway, something's kicking in. Maybe it's just the bananas. Maybe the only one bananas here is me.

Actually before all this foolishness I've been listening to a lot of Marine Girls lately. I'd been hearing about them for years, first being hipped to their existence by Lois Maffeo in the Angry Women In Rock book as a sort of acoustic samba girl group with one of the chicks going on to later form Everything But The Girl. During these steamy pre-summer days there is something about the sound of this that brings me back to my past and the music that formed and influenced me. Even if none of this sounds anything even remotely close to what I had listened to in the distant past in the very least.

Oh, before I forget, I just picked up the latest DVD of Mommie Dearest (Hollywood Royalty Edition) which provides delightfully witty commentary by John Waters who makes a strangely fascinating defense of the film as well as Joan Crawford, Faye Dunaway, and director Frank Perry (he half-seriously explains how these days a simple dose of Paxil could have probably fixed about 90% of Crawford's OCD and manic-depression disorders). Waters is just one of those cats that I could listen to talk for hours on end about any subject in the known universe. And all I wanna do now is rent the William Castle flick Strait-Jacket just to hear Crawford utter those same famous lines in the rose garden that were spoken in this very same film first.

Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps

I love getting prezzies in the post. Especially ones that I definitely wasn't expecting. Like yesterday! I gots me a cardboard poster tube! BONUS!-- rolled up poster included inside! Garsh... overwhelming thank-yews to Wemblee, my first-ever internet friend (almost 10 years to the day) who knows me well enough to know intimately what a rough time I've gone through over the last few months, as well as knowing exactly what kind of surprise gesture might cheer me right up. You're mah homeslice, girly-girl, and I love you. And thank you also to Joe for holding up the poster for me so I could snap the pic. Still not sure where it's going yet, although now that I'm looking at it that space really is in need of something (haha you can see my Virgin!Mary nightlite in the bathroom andzomgdavincicode!)

I can't believe I actually have the weekend off. I haven't had one of those since... well, that last time. Didn't find out 'til yesterday, either. Th' hell am I gonna do? No money, and just two thumbs to twiddle? Sunday evening I suppose I'll take tea on the back patio and strain to hear the dulcet tones of the Nine Inch Nails/Bauhaus concert at the nearby Amphitheatre. Weather permitting of course, dahlink.

An Inconvenient Truth

The Friday Five:


1. What is (or would be) your dream vacation?
I'm a fool for travel, so just blindfold me and plop me on a plane to anywhere I haven't been to before. Just so long as they aren't currently in between political coups or sending their cake-eatin' queen to the guillotine. Oh, and no place where I have to pack both my casual and evening wear burka.

2. What's one thing no vacation can do without?
My lawyer.

3. What has been the best trip of your life so far?
That's hard to determine, as I have taken some pretty spectacular trips in my day. But the first time I went to Paris was rather memorable. Also took the chunnel over to London for a day, which was also the first time in that city as well (I would later go back for about two weeks the next year, which was also pretty swell).

4. Who was with you on that trip and what is the role of that person in your life?
Joseph -- my best friend, confidant, silent partner, romantic warrior, and the only man whom I'll ever let yell "HONK HONK" when he grabs my boobs on the Eiffel Tower.

5. What's the worst thing that can happen during a vacation?
I keep thinking back to all the horror stories that my world-traveler father has told me of his adventures over the years; Getting jailed in Frankfurt for losing his passport. Getting robbed at sword-point in Cairo at the Great Pyramid. Getting chased down by the Yakusa in Tokyo. Frankly, as the next generation, I feel I have quite a lot to live up to (also: see answer to Question #2).

Schedule

Fri 9: 12-7:30
Mon 12: 9-5
Tue 13: 11-7:30
Wed 14: 11-7:30
Fri 16: 11-6:30
Sat 17: 3-cl

Pass The Hatchet

Still having a bit of an internet connection snafu these days, and it's been especially nerve-rattling this week in particular so if anyone hasn't been receiving any of my emails over the last few days I apologize now, and also in advance, since I still haven't quite figured out the whole bloody mess of it. Cable connections and all that. Thuh-thuh-thuh-thuh-thuuuuhh...

In the meantime, enjoy some Fat Worm Of Error.

The Charging Tyrannosaurus Of Despair

First 20 tracks on my iPod today while spending a nice relaxing morning sorting through the record collection:

1. "Downtown" - The Cold
2. "Why Can't You Be?" - Shelby Lynn
3. "You Are Still There" - Shelley/Devoto
4. "June Feat Copyright" - RJD2
5. "My Frig" - Michael Gordon
6. "Lightning Man" - Nitzer Ebb
7. "Homosapien" - Pete Shelley
8. "Aja" - Steely Dan
9. "It's Too Late" - The Jim Carroll Band
10. "Come On Over (Demo)" - The Cold
11. "All Day All Night" - Jill Jones
12. "Red Alert" - Basement Jaxx
13. "Memories (Can't Wait)" - Talking Heads
14. "Party At Ground Zero" - Fishbone
15. "So Slow In Soho" - The Famous Pies
16. "Butter Beans" - Little Jimmy Dickens
17. "Super Stupid" - Funkadelic
18. "Jeepster" - T. Rex
19. "Mercury Poisoning" - Graham Parker & The Rumour
20. "Blood And Thunder" - Mastodon

Bring Me The Head Of Thomas Bucknasty

Hayden Childs' article from The High Hat entitled "Delicate Balance" about Dave Marsh's first edition of The Rolling Stone Record Guide really had me chuckling to myself. There was a period in the 80's when I toted that book around with me everywhere I went (that and Ira Robbins' Trouser Press) and can still quote several of my favorite piss-poor reviews verbatim:


THOMAS BUCKNASTY
Blast-O-Funk / RCA (NA)
Rot-o-record -- J.S.

But does anyone else remember that summer of '87 when the Rolling Stone 500 Greatest Albums Of All Time hit the stands, and subsequently contradicted many of the previously panned albums in the original guide, elevating them to instant 5-star status? I remember holding both my record guide and my well-worn copy of the collector's magazine, caught between the paradox maelstrom. Who do I listen to now? Who do I trust? Is everything I thought I knew wrong? Why is God punishing me? And why did both book and magazine so tout the Trout Mask Replica but when I went out and bought the cassette that summer I was finally convinced that both reference manuals had to be an elaborate Barnumesque put-on?

Actually over the years as I developed a deeper appreciation of free jazz I grew to love me the Trout Mask Replica. But I admit I'm still morbidly curious about that Blast-O-Funk album.

Car-Perpetuation

I saw De La Soul live at the old Baitshack, a former seafood restaurant at Waterside, Norfolk (now a Hooters, last I saw) on February 18th 1996, two days before my 27th birthday. And the day sure could have started out a whole heck of a lot better.

It had snowed. A hell of a lot for a town that doesn't see much of it. And on the morning of the gig Joe, who had booked and promoted the show, got into a massive car accident on the way in early as a result of the other guy flipping his radio dial, the irony being that the ice and snow had basically melted away by that point. Bad enough to nearly total his long-ass 1984 Chevy Caprice Classic, which the They Might Be Giant dweebs we both have befriended over the years often affectionately nicknamed Joe's "Boat of Car". Joe managed to crawl out of the wreckage unscathed, enough so to hail a taxi to take him to the Baitshack and prepare for the show. I didn't find out about it until after the fact, and was mostly relieved that Joe was largely unhurt, so I showed up later in my car with our then-roommate Steve in tow, with his brand spankin' new camera on hand. Steve, once a struggling painter, had recently switched to photography, and had a rather uncanny knack for getting each one of his insanely expensive pro-grade cameras stolen every few months, typically out of someone's car (to the admittedly rather callous amusement of most of our mutual friends, who keep warning him not to keep advertising his cameras in pretentiously showy $500 professional camera bags -- I still laugh thinking about the time Steve and our friend Just Dave had their car broken into while up in NYC, where Steve's swanky camera and camera bag ensemble was taken, but Dave's camera, left hidden under a ratty old baseball cap, was left behind -- but I digress).

After the gig the three of us braved the elements in my car and headed to IHOP, where the guys were taking me to an early birthday 2am breakfast. It had snowed heavily again, so I suppose we were all a little too snowblind to see the NO PARKING VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED sign in the parking lot across from the busy IHOP lot, because after breakfast we came out to an empty spot where my car (and several others that had parked with us) had been. We had initially believed it to be stolen (Steve was pitching a world-class fit over having another expensive camera stolen in two months) until the irascible old man who owned the lot (and apparently holed himself up in the office after all hours of the night towing people who park in his lot, doubtlessly receiving some kind of kickback from the towing company) ran out screaming at us to the point where we instantly began to glean where my car had been taken. The towing company, conveniently just down the road, was just getting ready to pull my car into the gated lot when Steve and I threw our bodies onto the hood and held ourselves there while Joe unleashed his formidable fury onto the tow truck man. Long story short, they weren't going to tow a kicking, screaming guy and gal into their lot at 3 o'clock in the morning, but they weren't going to unhook the car without a little something-something, so I think we handed him a $20 bill and he let us all go home. Oh, and Steve's camera was still safe in the trunk. I guess that's the karma I get for laughing so long and often at his constant personal-item ganking misfortunes.

Where was I heading with all this? Oh, De La Soul. Good show. Not bad for your typical track-act. And as you can see they signed my copy of the "Buddy/Ghetto Thang" 12" single from their first (and personally, still best) album 3 Feet High And Rising. Yeah, the guys have been a tad inconsistent over the years since, but I do highly recommend their most recent disk, The Grind Date, for some good funk-soul brother hip-hopery.

Here's the 12" single version of "Buddy", lifted straight off my record. And only available for the next 7 days.

"Buddy "(12"Native Tongue Decision Mix featuring The Jungle Brothers, Q-Tip, Queen Latifah, and Monie Love) by De La Soul

M4a file -- available for 7 days.

Gadzooks! Not Again...

Anybody remember the old kuput Friday Five site? Looks as if folks at Livejournal revived it in recent years. Oh well, since I appear to be in a somewhat rigid survey-taking type of mindframe over the last 24 hours...

1. How many places have you lived in your life?
My family moved around a bit when I was a baby, living in Richmond, VA., Raleigh, NC., and Charleston, SC. before settling into Chesapeake when I was about 2 or 3 years old (my parents still live in the same house from the day we first moved in). After I moved out I lived in Norfolk for about 7 years before I moved to Virginia Beach, for about another 7 or so.

2. Which was your favorite and why and what street was it on?
Probably First Colonial Avenue in Norfolk. I loved living in the collegiate/gay/liberal arts/strung-out punker Ghent neighborhood with the 100-year-old apartment buildings (radiators, footed bathtubs, GIANT keyholes) where I was walking distance to the grocery store, coffee shop, the art-house movie theatre with kick-ass vintage/foreign film video rental selection next door, hipster indie record store, book stores, art museums, and some of the best restaurants in all the sister cities. Damn. Now I'm homesick. :-(

3. If you could live anywhere for the rest of your life, where would it be?
I don't really know, but I'm kind of enjoying where I am right at this very moment. Of course this answer may change within the next few hours when I start bitching about how there's no good record stores or movie theaters to walk to around here.

4. What would your ideal home have in it?
A library. Like one of those you see in the movies with the tall bookshelves and the ladders you have to roll across the room to get to everything and whatnot. I basically need that right now for all the crap I gots. Plus I would really like to have a dog again.

5. Can you describe your current crib?

This last photo is going to be my dining room once I finish with the rest of the unpacking. Believe me, this room was filled almost completely to the ceiling with boxes and furniture for the first month we lived here. Now you can actually walk into the room, play the Fun Machine organ against the far wall, and hey... is that a hint of actual floor I see?

Yeah, getting a lot of mileage out of that big ole fitball over there on top of the futon...

Messthetics

Somebody actually made a pretty nifty mash-up video of Kelly Clarkson with "The Immigrant Song".

Impossible! you say? You're out of your tree! woman? That all may be. But just give it a chance.

Survey Says!

A survey sent to me by my darling kevindoughnut. What th' hey... let's give 'er a whirl, shall we?

1)How old do you wish you were?
Actually I'm pretty much lovin' the age I'm at now.

2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
Getting ready to go to the gym and turned on the news right after the first plane hit. I even went to the gym and watched the news on the TV while I swam my laps.

3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Shake my fist at it.

4) Do you consider yourself kind?
Is this one of them pot references?

5) If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
A mole. On the top of my hand.

6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be?
Esperanto

7) Do you know your neighbors?
In the Biblical sense?

8)What do you consider a vacation?
Not having to be at work for any reason.

9) Do you follow your horoscope?
Nah

10) Would you move for the person you loved?
Only if it were someplace pretty darn cool. Like, uh... Reykjavik?

11) Are you touchy feely?
On myself? Er uh... sometimes.

12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
Sexually, yes.

13) Dream job?
Ice Cream Man

14) Favorite channel(s)?
Telemundo!!!

15) Favorite place to go on weekends?
Home. After I'm done with work.

16) Showers or Baths?
Showers. Baths if I am shaving my legs.

17) Do you paint your nails?
Not in awhile.

18) Do you trust people easily?
Unfortunately.

19) What are your phobias?
BUGS!!!

20) Do you want kids?
Not right now.

21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
no

22) Where would you rather be right now?
Budapest

23) What makes you feel warm and safe?
Thermal underwear and a canister of RAID.

24) Heavy or light sleep?
Depends on the meds.

25) Are you paranoid?
Don't you already have all the answers you need from the microfilm in my tooth fillings?

26) Are you impatient?
I'm strictly outpatient.

27) Who can you relate to?
RANDOLPH SCOTT??

28) How do you feel about interracial couples/relationships?
Hot.

29) Have you been burned by love?
Is that what keeps smelling like burning hair?

30) What's your life motto?
Kill everyone NOW.

31) What's your main ringtone on your mobile?
Generic.

32) What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping.

33) Who was your last text message from?
Don't text.

34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine. And my boyfriends. And our stuffed animals.

35) What color shirt are you wearing?
Not wearing a shirt right now.

37) Name three things you have on you at all times?
1.) socks
2.) socks
3.) socks

38.) What color are your bed sheets
white with blue pinstripes.

39) How much cash do you have on you right now?
none

40) What is your favorite part of the chicken?
WINGS!

41) What's your favorite town/city?
London

42) I cant wait till...
The porn I ordered arrives in the mail.

43) Who got you to join myspace?
Someone who wanted a friend.

44) What did you have for dinner last night?
sushi.

45) How tall are you barefoot?
5'8"

46) Have you ever smoked heroin?
No

47) Do you own a gun?
no

48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
water or tea

49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Tell them I'm a lesbian.

50) Do you have A.D.D.?
Sure! But only if I get to be the Dungeon Master.

51) What time did you wake up today?
6:15am

52) Current worry?
Money

53) Current hate?
customers

54) Favorite place to be?
In my sweatpants.

55) Where would you like to travel?
Eastern Europe. Prague, Budapest, Berlin. I might go back to Casablanca again.

56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
In my sweatpants.

57) last thing you ate?
A bagel.

58) What songs do you sing in the shower?
"Finger Fuckin' Sally" by David Allen Coe

59) Last person that made you laugh?
This lady.

60) Worst injury you've ever had?
Fell off horse and had hunk 'o rock embedded into skull.

61) Does someone have a crush on you?
I doubt it.

62) What is your favorite candy?
I get a Skittles craving every now and then.

63) What song do you want played at your funeral?
"Ha Ha Ha" by Flipper

Schedule

Sat 3: 2:30-10
Mon 5: 3-cl
Tue 6: 2-8:30
Wed 7: 2-9:30
Thur 8: 11-7:30
Fri 9: 12-7:30